Pitch On Workshop - FRACTURED MYTHS

Genre: YA Contemporary Arthurian
Word Count: 84,000

When sixteen-year-old fantasy enthusiast Alanna O’Connor sees Vikings, medieval knights, and mythological creatures appear in her hometown of Edinburgh, she thinks it’s a miracle . . . until they try to kill her. Alanna teams up with the one person she knows she can trust: the newly arrived (and completely baffled) King Arthur. Together, they must stop the myth invasion before Scotland—if not all reality—is fractured beyond repair.

This is nice and clear! The premise is easy to follow, and the stakes are high. My one suggestion is to try to strengthen the voice a bit. You already have a start with the "completely baffled" bit, but adding more of that would make the pitch even better. For example, maybe you could change "she thinks it's a miracle" to "she thinks it's the coolest thing since sliced bread." Okay, not that, but something that's a more specific response for Alanna's character, to show some of her personality.

I'm intrigued by the idea of King Arthur in modern times. Nice job with this!

Readers, feel free to pipe in below!

***Don't forget...make sure to check out all of the workshop host blogs to critique more pitches. For each critique you leave in the comments, you get an entry into the drawing to win one of eight 10-page critiques from our contest host Sharon Johnston and workshop hosts Larissa Hardesty, Stephanie Diaz (that's me!), Catherine Scully, Jodie Andrefski, Paula Sangare, Talynn Lynn and Kaitlin Adams. Also, Sarah Nicolas will be giving away three query critiques! Please use the exact same name for all of your critiques. The opportunity ends 10/14/2012.***

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  1. I like the sound of this story and I would read it based on the pitch. The genre is one I'm not familiar with; I'd call it YA fantasy. Even though it takes place in the modern world, it has fantastical elements...much more exciting than plain ol' contemporary :)

  2. This pitch is excellent! I love anything Aurthurian, and the contemporary twist is interesting. I very much want to read this book.

    I have to say I feel the voice is really strong and I thought "she thinks its a mircale... Until they try to kill her" gave me a good understanding of the character.

    I'm struggling with suggestions because I think it is very strong. You could possibly be more specfic about how they must go about preventing the fracture or what caused the myths to end up in modern Scotland?

    This is a wonderful start, best of luck. I totally respect this writer's privacy but I am so interested I hope they keep me in mind as a future reader of this book, add me on google+ or facebook and please keep me updated so I can read this someday =)

    1. Wow. Thanks! I just sent you a message on Facebook.

    2. Hey I got your message and love your blog as well. You've got a new fan. Wishing you lots of luck with your novel.

  3. I too enjoyed this pitch. I would like to get a hint of how this has all come about though (a spell, an opening of an old book? - how are these people/things suddenly appearing?)I also agree with Stephanie's comments about voice. Just a small hint as to what Alanna's personality is like would add to the feel of this pitch.

  4. I think the last sentence can be clarified by saying "mythic invasion" because I read "before Scotland" as literally before, like in front of/showing Scotland the invasion. I therefore stumbled over it a bit. I think that can be clarified. This might just be me. But I love the premise, and that Edinburgh is JK Rowling's hometown.

  5. My biggest suggestion would be to remove the parenthesis. They take you out of an otherwise awesome and smooth flow of words.

    I love the premise and would read it if I saw it on the book shelf. I have a huge soft spot for Celtic myths:)

  6. Gosh I love the premise, it's got the voice, smooth. I would read it. One suggestion though is you could mention how they came to be in her town. that would be great. Other than that it's great!

  7. I loved the premise of this story and I could see lots of opportunities for action and humour.

    Although I found the last sentence a little unclear, I got a real sense of your story and would definitely like to read more.

    Good luck:)

  8. Now this is a book that I would read! I love Arthurian times, so Arthur in modern times has to be just as good, right? This is a very strong pitch. I honestly don't have anything for you to work on. I want to read this so badly now.

  9. A great original concept in a time riddled with magic and vampires and the destruction of the future. It will be nice to see myths and legends around to educate the kids of today about a past they know nothing about. what I'm saying, is bring on the stories of King Arthur, it's some thing modern teens have very little concept about. This pitch would grab their attention and drag them unprotesting into your story. Love the use of the word 'fractured' in the last line...

  10. I thought this pitch was really great! I did get a sense of voice, and the idea of a contemporary Authurian YA novel has definitely caught my attention. I definitely want to read it now!